Something to bring a tear to any Ole Miss fan’s eye: Orson Swindle says Coach O would be the #1 college football coach to go drinking with. I can’t disagree, even if the man does frighten me.

Don’t believe Coach O is a scary man? Watch the Ole Miss coach’s show—“Voice of the Rebels” David Kellum looks scared to death all the time, and this is with Coach O sitting there saying nice (albeit pithy) things despite having every reason to go on a Hulk rage.

After seeing about five minutes of the Cocktail Party, I’m inclined to agree that the new Gator uniforms are hideous.

Then again, it seems to be working for them, since they’re now up 14–0 on Georgia.

Today’s “big sports news” is that Texas is #1 and ahead of Southern Cal by a few billionths of a point in this week’s release of the BCS rankings, thus reigniting the BCS doom-and-gloom scenarios.

The bottom-line facts are as follows:

• USC has done nothing more impressive this season than any of the other major undefeated teams (Texas, Alabama, Georgia, and UCLA). Bama and Georgia are both undefeated in the only conference where every team has a defense; Texas just demolished a Texas Tech squad who themselves were demolishing all comers; UCLA has beaten up on the same weak conference opponents as USC with identical results.
• The only reason we think USC is entitled to be ”#1” is because the AP and coaches ranked them #1 in August before a single game was played—back when they also thought Tennessee was the third-best team in the country (instead of the third-best team in the SEC East) and UCLA was in the “others receiving votes” category in both polls.
• It doesn’t matter who’s ranked #1, as long as you don’t drop out of the top two.

So, guys, can we put the controversy on hold until Thanksgiving, at least?

þ: OTB and others.

Blue chip quarterback Robert Lane will move to fullback this week in addition to continuing as the backup QB, apparently solidifying Micheal Spurlock’s role as starting QB and Ethan Flatt’s role as clipboard-holder. Coach O’s other position changes seem to have worked out well thus far (most notably, moving Jamal Pittman from HB to FB, and making Mico McSwain the #1 HB), so maybe Lane as a fullback will work well too.

As I predicted, it was one lousy day for Chris in the college football world: Ole Miss does its impression of being a good team, but doesn’t stop the key drive at the end; Duke leads at the half against Georgia Tech, then completely implodes, and the one day of my life I root for Notre Dame fricking USC wins for the bazillionth consecutive game. At least Joe Pa’s Lazarus impersonation is coming to an end, as the Nittany Lions lose to a not-particularly-great Michigan team.

My Wallace Wade observations for today (on a great afternoon for football, at least weather-wise):

• Song college bands should not perform under any circumstances: Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You’ve Been Gone.”
• Song college bands should perform on a regular basis: Jimmy Buffett’s “Cheeseburger in Paradise.” If you can get enthusiasm out of a Duke football crowd with this song, imagine what you could do with it in a real football stadium.
• Things you should not do before a Duke football game: get fall-down drunk. Although I have to say watching inebriated sorority pledges stumble around the stadium was somewhat amusing.
• Things that need to visit a tanning bed: the Georgia Tech cheerleaders. I’m not saying they were pale, just that I’ve seen albinos with darker skin tones.

Next week: Kentucky comes to Vaught-Hemingway in an untelevised game—finally, I can pencil in an SEC win for the Rebels—while the Seminoles cruise into Wallace Wade, where the real wagering action is on whether FSU fans will outnumber Duke fans.

Ole Miss (2–3) finally got off the schnide today, winning 27–7 against I-AA Citadel after a pretty lackluster first half. Mind you, the Rebels face an undefeated Alabama squad next weekend in Oxford (possibly to be televised on CBS), so I don’t expect us to have a winning record any time soon.

By popular demand: Ed Orgeron wants to sell you a Hummer, in H.264 format suitable for your iPod or Apple TV, and viewable on pretty much any modern PC or Mac.

Also available in DivX format, but you’ll need the XviD codec if you don't already have it installed.

Greetings to our visitors from EDSBS. Updated to add the H.264 version, which is smaller and the same quality as the original.

EDSBS notes that the Millsaps Majors are using a 48-year-old player this season; more on the story here from The Sporting News.

If I were (a) stupid enough to bet on sports and (b) stupid enough to bet on any game the Rebels were involved with, I’d take Ole Miss (+3) over Vandy and the under (44). Reasons:

• Ole Miss can defend the pass. The pass is, well, Vandy’s entire offense (except that whole option thing).
• Vandy isn’t as good as Memphis. Ole Miss, er, beat Memphis. Ergo, Ole Miss should beat Vandy.
• Vandy’s home field advantage is nonexistent.
• Vandy loses to Ole Miss, even in years the Rebels suck (see: 2001, 2002, 2004). So, even if Ole Miss does suck this year (something yet to be determined—we’ll see in mid-October), they should still beat Vandy.
• Intangible 1: I’m quite certain that Vandy being 3–0 is a sign of the apocalypse. I don’t think universal armageddon is quite here yet.
• Intangible 2: Coach O will probably call the entire team a “bunch of pussies” if they lose to Vandy. The team doesn’t want a tanned shirtless guy calling them pussies. So they will win. And not wear any earrings.

Disclaimer: taking my betting advice is probably a bad idea under any and all circumstances. I am not responsible for any monetary losses incurred as a result of this pick.

Here’s everything you need to know about the Virginia Tech–Duke game today:

Duke finished with 35 total yards on 53 plays[.]

If it’s possible, the game was worse than that stat. Now I know how Vanderbilt fans feel (except usually they at least score). About the only thing worthwhile about the game—besides the impromptu first down celebration a few of us had over in general admission in the third quarter and the game announcer’s almost-British level of understatement*—was the scenery.†

Now my debate for next week: do I use my (paid for) ticket to see Duke play VMI (which at least should be a competitive game), or do I stay home and pay twenty bucks to Time-Warner to watch Ole Miss–Vandy on GamePlan?

* Almost verbatim, after a 3rd and 23 screen pass that barely made it past the line of scrimmage: “the pass is complete, but short of the first down.”
† And, if my arms and legs are anything to judge by, most of the scenery is now sunburned. I never got sunburned at Ole Miss games; weird.

Joey of Straight Bangin’ continues the “Ed Orgeron is batshit crazy” meme and hilarity ensues.

þ: EDSBS; more here.

ESPN has sent College GameDay analyst Trev Alberts packing after the latter apparently complained about the diminished role the studio hosts were playing in the network’s college football coverage. After seeing Rece Davis and Mark May working as a duo this weekend, I hope (probably against hope…) that ESPN will see fit to not replace Alberts with another no-account Big XII homer meathead analyst—though, unfortunately, Jason White’s departure from the NFL makes him a prime candidate for Alberts’ seat.

þ: EDSBS, who previously noted Trev’s further descent into meatheadedness this weekend.

Well, it was fugly to the max (although not quite as bad as the FSU-Miami game), but the Rebels eked out a 10–6 win over the University of Memphis on Labor Day in Memphis’ Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium. Defensively, the Rebels looked like they were in pretty sound form, effectively shutting down outside Heisman hopeful DeAngelo Williams and racking up the game-saving pick.

On the other hand, the offense remains something of a question mark, although Micheal Spurlock looked surprisingly competent under center; Mario Hill looked to be the class of the receiving corps, while Mike Espy and Taye Biddle remained somewhat spotty performers. I think the Rebels will be able to handle Vanderbilt on the 17th, but the rest of the SEC schedule (particularly at Tennessee and Auburn) could be highly problematic unless the offense is able to get in gear soon.

You know, a year ago the statement “Brandon Cox is no Jason Campbell” wouldn’t have been an insult.

Ivan Maisel has a feature up at ESPN.com on Ed Orgeron’s unorthodox approach to head coaching in Oxford, which is coming as something of a culture shock to the team and observers alike. Incidentally, Orgeron’s shirt-off challenge, which has become something of an Internet meme, is neither confirmed nor denied by the coach.

Via EDSBS: New Ole Miss head coach Ed Orgeron calling out the whole team in his first team meeting using language that might even make a sailor blush—and, to top it off, challenging the whole team to a fight. The more amusing anecdote:

Lane was out passing with another player, and Coach O apparently ran up to him, tackled him, stripped the ball, and took off running down the field.

Meanwhile, Rick Cleveland reports that the SEC may need to hire some Cajun interpreters if they want to produce accurate transcripts of Coach O at media days. And, the once and future quarterback Micheal Spurlock goes all Xtina and Lil Kim on his critics.

Duke trivia fact of the day: faculty and staff members can go to all the football and womens’ basketball games they like for $60. Which sport is functioning as the loss-leader for the other is left for reader speculation. Mind you, $60 to see both FSU and Virginia Tech in person from good seats isn’t a bad deal at all… particularly if you don’t much care whether the home team wins.

Today’s Clarion-Ledger does some hard-hitting reporting on the responses of the state’s 3 I-A schools to an NCAA mandate requiring them to trim their football media guides down to a measly 208 pages.

Is it July 12th yet? No, but in the meantime look at the pretty pictures and preorder the game. NCAA easily gets the most play out of the (small) collection of Xbox games I have, so '06 will definitely be in my grubby little hands as soon as it comes out.

þ: Orson @ EDSBS.

Vashon Pearson, the Rebels’ leading rusher last year (not that that’s saying much) didn’t make the grades last year and has been declared academically ineligible for what would have been his senior season. (þ: EDSBS) ‘Twas nice knowing you, Vashon.

It looks like the bulk of the running game will be in the hands of junior Jamal Pittman, who has had his own share of off-field troubles, but emerged from the spring as tied on the depth chart with Pearson after Coach O decided to give him a clean slate. So, if Pittman can keep himself out of trouble, the Rebels may still be in decent shape at RB; mind you, I’m not sure anyone expected anything much beyond another “rebuilding” year and a possible EV1.com Bowl bid out of the team to begin with.

Former Rebel head coach David Cutcliffe’s stint at Notre Dame didn’t last very long: he resigned Tuesday from his position as quarterbacks coach for the Fighting Irish after deciding that he couldn’t come back to coaching this year. Cut, known to Ole Miss fans as the master of the “prevent offense,” recently underwent triple-bypass surgery after suffering a heart attack in March. (þ: Jeff Quinton @ FanBlogs)

Ah, there’s nothing like a controversy combining college football and religion to add to the excitement of the upcoming 2005 season. The spotlight, of course, is on DeBerry due to the Air Force Academy’s apparent religious indoctrination problem, but you’d be naïve not to think that the same thing goes on in the locker rooms of other great American public universities and high schools—ask Bobby Bowden for one. And, if you go beyond the formalities, one suspects that it’s easier to be considered a “team leader” in the locker room if you have an FCA membership card in your wallet.

Like Kevin Aylward’s favorite school district, DeBerry and the academy are clearly running afoul of the law, even under the weaker “neutrality” test of religious establishment adopted by the conservative wing of the Supreme Court. If his players really want to be “saved,” I’m sure there are other people who can take care of it for him.

Orson Swindle on Notre Dame’s new sweet deal with the BCS:

This is like giving Mongolia a seat on the UN Security Council in tribute to Genghis Khan.

Well, there are those French and British chairs in the room…