1. What’s the deal with Lindsay Lohan?
2. So… how about them Dodgers?
3. Complete the analogy: George Bush is to chimpanzee as (blank) is to Lurch.
4. Would Ashlee Simpson be famous if her sister weren’t Jessica Simpson?
5. If you were the president of Haiti, how would you increase your exports of baseball players to match that of the Dominican Republic?
6. Explain the song “Dip It Low” by Christina Milian in one sentence.
7. How does theft of silverware and glassware from the Caf affect the international system? Give examples.
8. “If PBS doesn’t do it, who will?” What is “it”?
9. Under the CAN-SPAM Act, what is the maximum prison sentence that the assistant director of intramural athletics can receive for mailbombing the campus population with four announcements of a 3-on-3 Dodgeball tournament?
10. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?

Steven Taylor doesn’t understand the lyrics of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” a song by one-hit wonder band Deep Blue Something (the remainder of their album sucked, by the way).

Meanwhile, I’m trying to be on the cutting edge by deciphering the lyrics of Rihanna’s “Pon De Replay.” Apparently going for the bizarre lyrics trifecta, Rihanna incorporates incomprehensible lyrics from Christina Milian’s “Dip It Low” in addition to the hook:

Come Mr. DJ song pon de replay
Come Mr. DJ won’t you turn the music up
All the gyal pon the dancefloor wantin some more what
Come Mr. DJ won’t you turn the music up

Incidentally, I think I have officially become “old.”