Dear Fellow Republican,

You are among a select group of Republicans who have been chosen to take part in the official CENSUS OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

How did I get on this mailing list? I’m a registered Democrat fer cryin’ out loud! Most of the money-begging letters I get are from the Sierra Club and the National Wildlife Federation, and I know the GOP isn't buying mailing lists from them. The only conservative publication I subscribe to is the Wall Street Journal.

I wonder if they'll figure it out when I return the survey, in the postage-paid envelope, with a check for one cent and all the wrong answers checked. “Should small businesses be encouraged to grow and hire more workers?” Umm… “No.” Mwahahaha!

I also can’t figure out how I got on the mailing list for 1-800-JACK-OFF. Perhaps the two are related. Could the GOP be buying their mailing lists from phone sex companies?

Tyler Cowen notes some interesting statistics on the months during which one is most likely to die of a given cause. You’re most likely to die an accidental death in August, and most likely to drown in July.

No surprise on the death by drowning statistic. Several children drown every summer in Memphis when it starts getting hot.

On the other hand, you are most likely to fall to your death during December. Tyler wonders whether that statistic is driven by holiday suicides flinging themselves off buildings and bridges, but I suspect there’s a simpler explanation. December is the month in which people climb up on the roof to hang holiday lights and other decorations.

Tyler doesn’t speculate on November, the month during which you are most likely to be shot. At first I thought maybe this has something to with family arguments over Thanksgiving dinner. But then I remembered: deer season!

Sunday’s Memphis Commercial Appeal endorsed Ronnie Musgrove for Mississippi governor. I’m sure that’ll help Musgrove big time in DeSoto County—a county full of people who moved there to escape from the establishment, “let’s all hold hands and sing Kumbaya” mentality the CA fosters north of the border.